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brie k
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 5661
Location: where the wild things are
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 Posted: 04/30/05 - 09:27 Post subject:
To answer questions: I just found out they were living together on Wed, and I guess it's been a couple of months. Libby's girlfriend Shelby (in NC) was in my house and saw their things there. This woman's son is living in Libby's bedroom. My girlie was all kinds of unhappy about that one.
So I called Shelby's mom on Thursday to find out what was going on and she told me that they are pregnant, and really pregnant.
Not a word about this from Kramer. Not that this would have been nice to hear from anyone while I'm still married.
It just hurt and still does. The crazy thing is that our children received a card from him on Wed. A nice card to each of them, and the very first hand-written communication from him since he moved out in July. I will never understand how a parent can go 9 months without writing to his kids. And while it is true that he emailed Libby a little bit (maybe 3 times?), the last time was on Christmas day--and he never emailed the boys (and he has never called, any of them, which totally kills me and escapes me). So here I was thinking that maybe this meant he was ready to be a dad, but now there is a part of me who thinks this is just a guilt thing. Even Libby said that he only wrote out of guilt that Aaron is taking their place (she knew about the baby but didn't tell me).
It's just turning into complicated is what some of this is for me. I mean, I cannot tell my kids how I feel about their father, and I understand that, hard as it is to hold my tongue. So now I have to figure out the best approach to not make him look like a bad father, and to assure Libby that this new baby, while he/she will be great because we love babies, won't ever be able to take her place, and this isn't about that, at least not on her father's part. It is hard enough to do the single parent thing, and to assure the kids that their father loves them (which I highly doubt most days) without figuring his new family into it, the family he created while we are still married. I guess that's what hurts the most, that he didn't even have the decency to wait until we were divorced. And we're a long way off from that. We cannot even file until late August (no grounds in NC or IN for that matter).
And, as much as I hate it, I still very much love my husband when it comes right down to it. Whether I should, or whether it makes sense, I do. And on Tuesday, there may have been a glimmer of hope that we'd somehow figure this out and find out way back and give our children the family they deserve. By Thursday though, I found out that a jackhammer had been taken to the Hope and not even dust remains.
I know that I've said some bad things about him too. I've felt them. But when it's really still, and it's just me and my heartbeat, he is there. Last Friday was our 8 year anniversary. In July, we would have been together for 14 years. I'm just sad because this is never what I wanted, and I own more of the getting here than I probably care to admit. Those things that you can never take back and never get back as a result... those are the bitter pills to swallow.
So now it is a bit like starting over like I did in July, getting my head wrapped around it. This could end up being a really good thing. Maybe this woman is his match. Maybe she will be able to induce him to be a good father to his children. Since this stopped being about me a long time ago, I need to focus on what is best for the children, and that is what I will do.
Sorry this is so long. Thank you all for your kind words and letting me get this out--it truly helps.
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I"m sorry brie.
what a turd. i hope they are happy. 
