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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16241
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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 Posted: 06/18/03 - 11:44 Post subject: Midwest's opinion on the rest of y'all....
Midwest States
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, etc., those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following ! list is available to all visitors:
(1) That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more before breakfast than you do all week at the gym...
(2) It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3) We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
(4) Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped--by our women.
(5) Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Just don't cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for--bait.
(6) Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
(7) If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
( That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
(9) No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
(10) You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
(11) So you have a $60,000 car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two weeks a year.
(12) Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
(13) Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp too, and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
(14) They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it--Interstates 80 and 90 go two ways; Interstate 29 and 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it.
(15) So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
(16) That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot--his name is Sir--no matter how old he is.
Now enjoy your visit and go home.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16450
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 11:53 Post subject:
 There's a reason it's the 'heartland'... it's all the bloody truth.
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purple hayes
Frightened Inmate #2
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Joined: 14 May 2002
Posts: 14462
Location: ON YOUR LEFT!
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 11:54 Post subject:
| Quote: | | (15) So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept? |
That is so true. My dad always waved at everyone.
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runswithscissors
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8797
Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 11:58 Post subject:
I like #6.
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monk25
Member
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Joined: 25 Jun 2002
Posts: 3923
Location: The Beautiful South Shore of L.I. NY
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 12:03 Post subject:
I am moving to the midwest.
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runswithscissors
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 8797
Location: In a badger state of mind
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 12:10 Post subject:
| monk25 wrote: | | I am moving to the midwest. |
We wish you would, for your sake and ours.
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monk25
Member
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Joined: 25 Jun 2002
Posts: 3923
Location: The Beautiful South Shore of L.I. NY
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 12:28 Post subject:
| runswithscissors wrote: | | monk25 wrote: | | I am moving to the midwest. |
We wish you would, for your sake and ours. |
Thanks. If I could get my whole family to go with me, I would.
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thegman
Member
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Joined: 23 Sep 2002
Posts: 3088
Location: 12 yards out.
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 12:37 Post subject:
| runswithscissors wrote: | | I like #6. |
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ginchy
Member
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 205
Location: Illinois
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 13:04 Post subject:
That was classic, Rob!! Thanks....Janice
My fave was #13!!
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robp
Pyromaniac
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Joined: 26 Jul 2002
Posts: 16241
Location: Waiting in line at the beer store...
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 14:20 Post subject:
| ginchy wrote: | That was classic, Rob!! Thanks....Janice
My fave was #13!! |
My favorite is #1 - lotsa farm boys in the area I live in and in the surrounding school districts. Many of those kids make terrific athletes and are incredibly strong and disciplined.
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jrjo
Gone Fishin
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Joined: 15 May 2002
Posts: 16450
Location: Lake Wobegon, MN
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 14:33 Post subject:
The wimmins too Rob. My high school track team had a state champ farmgirl in the discus and shotput. I would have liked to dated her, but I was afraid she would have kicked my butt if it didn't work out 
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copteacher
Adjunct
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Joined: 08 Jun 2002
Posts: 20588
Location: Teaching in the Halls of Justice
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Posted: 06/18/03 - 14:48 Post subject:
I like the highway patrol one. Very good list!
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